Hello everybody!
It has been close to 11 weeks since my last paxil dose. I am very happy to report that i am better but... i am not quite there yet. My ride on the paxil withdrawal roller coaster is still in full speed although the lingering symptoms are much more bearable. For days i grew scared of what would come. I experienced flu-like symptoms complete with the feverish feeling, joint pain and bad headache. I had bad morning anxiety that would wake me up at 7:00am sharp. I would feel electricity coming up and down my throat, arms and chest, shivers, mental anguish, crying and fear. I had the well known "lump in the throat" that many people with anxiety experience accompanied with the feeling of a hot and heavy iron chest sitting in my lungs. I was not breathing normally as i felt pain in breathing. I also had nausea and difficulties finding foods i could swallow without my body attempting to return the favor. At around 1:00pm i would rest a little from the anxiety but it would come back around 5:00 pm and stay with me well into the night. It was really hard to watch TV after work or eat dinner. I was just too restless and i felt my chest full of hot air and non-stop palpitations. Trying to sleep was another ordeal. I needed the sleep in order not to feel worse the next day, but falling asleep was a veritable challenge. I would start with a warm bath at around 9:30pm and soak for 20-30 minutes. After that i would pray 1-3 rosaries until i felt the divine was listening to my plea for sleep. By then i had sipped on really strong chamomile/valerian/tila tea. I would attempt sleep by 11:00pm. If i didn't get to sleep, i would pop 5g melatonin... and when that didn't work and it was past midnight... i would get the benadryl. I was trying to be as natural as possible but i have to say, benadryl was a life saver. My doctor had told me in no uncertain terms that i needed 8-9 hrs of sleep, preferably 9 in order to help my body and brain heal. For about a week however, even with benadryl, i only clocked about 5 hrs a night resulting in exponentially intensified symptoms. At some point i know i considered jumping off a bridge, but just the thought of it is scary to me at this moment so i will not linger on that.
If you see my previous posts, you would find i was a lot better before and that my outlook was good. But that was only because i didn't know what paxil withdrawal had in storage for me. After my last dose, the first week was really bad. Then i had a rest for a bout 10 days when although i had some symptoms, they were manageable. But after those 10 days, things got really... interesting.
My symptoms at the time of this posting include the hot iron weight in my lungs, bothersome albeit mild headache, some anxiety in the morning and evening but about 60% reduced from what it was at its worst. However, i can eat well. I had already lost 22lbs since i was close to unable to eat due to the lump in the throat, the anxiety and the nausea. But i already recuperated one of those 22... i guess it is time to go on regime since i want to lose another 25-30. I can fall asleep without much ado.. although not before 10:30 or so and my body still responds with anxiety at around 7:00am. But the anxiety is not too bad and on weekends i can linger in bed for another few hours and enjoy just being in bed. My husband reminds me I'll never be able to be a mother if i keep being such a late riser... but i'll worry about that when i see a baby in my bosom. At the height of the anxiety, i had to jump out of bed and be busy in order to be able to cope with the anxiety. Not anymore... so, I'll enjoy what i can enjoy! The lump in the throat is close to gone and my outlook in life is simply much better.
My expenses for the amino acid therapy have gone up substantially as my doctor has attempted to take me out of paxil withdrawal as soon as possible. I am spending about $400.00 in supplements but given my situation, i think that first of all, they are working and second... i have to try anything to get well. At some point in the process, I considered quitting my job but what would i do without my ppo insurance that pays for this doctor? My husband could afford me an HMO type insurance that would take me back to a doctor advocating for paxil. No thanks. In no way we would be able to afford the amino acids, the doctor etc.,without me working. In a way, the amino acids brought another blessing: my need to persevere at work and keep motivated in order to be able to afford my therapy.
I have also looked into other alternatives including chinese medicine/acupuncture, energy healings etc. I will post about my experience with energy healers/laying of the hands. It is very interesting and something i would like to learn more about. Maybe even become a healer one day. It is hard to know what is working and how of all things that i am doing. However, i am a firm believer in the divine and looking for higher help during times of sever peril is just natural. Wouldn't you agree?
I will keep you posted about my developments and about a possible second book. I realize the end of the previous one has nothing to do with what came after i decided to quit paxil. However, i do mention in the book the problems with paxil and weight gain, sleepiness and the dangers of getting pregnant on the drug. The above are the reasons why i wanted to stop paxil but what came after that is a whole other story.
Titles? "The purring cat is back, heavy and hot, in my chest?"
All ideas welcome.
Lourdes
No comments:
Post a Comment