Antidepressant withdrawal... why don't we know this?

What??? Not a tweet about Paxil (or any other antidepressant) withdrawal?? I know for a fact I am not the only person in this world suffering from the severe symptoms that accompany the withdrawal of antidepressants. I did the right things. I went to a doctor; follow the instructions, did it over 8 months, even started a neurotransmitter supplement protocol with my doctor. Still, a week after my last dose someone dropped a bomb on top of me. The anxiety is bad, I have crushing pain in my lungs, I cannot sleep. My head is hurting day and night and I fear every coming of bed time because I don’t know if I will be able to sleep.

But this too shall pass… at least that is what people and my doctor tells me. I am an avid member of http://www.paxilprogress.org/ where a bunch of suffering people like me reunite and exchange notes. There are people from all over the world not knowing what to do with themselves. The question is, what would we do without each other? Most would simply just go back to the drugs and figure that is destiny. Never mind the side effects of the drugs. In my case, the most vexing was a huge weight gain (see previous posts or read my book) and being close to asleep most of the day and night. I couldn’t even perform at work, I was always so tired. When I started feeling less anesthetized, I noticed a lot of my work was behind and that I was barely surviving in the office environment. I am just lucky my bosses did not fire me!

But, now I wish I could just sleep. Sleep and forget that my purring cat that came back, my faithful friend. The anxiety is inside, like an electrical current going up and down. The moments of desperation come and there is nothing but to pray for relief.

I have heard of some people who have been able to quit antidepressants without major problems. But they are in the minority. For most, discontinuation means months of suffering. On the other hand, continuing the antidepressant is not always an option. My best motivation to stop taking paxil was to have a baby. My health right now would not permit that however. A baby would simply add to my difficulties and crush me. Still, pregnancy is an option now more than ever. Paxil is known to cause birth defects so, when I was on Paxil having a baby would not even cross my mind. On the rare moments I feel a little stimulated however, I secretly think pregnancy could be there, not too far in the future.

At moments, I wonder if just swallowing a paxil will make this suffering better. But I know it would take about 4 weeks before I see something and by then, the withdrawal might be out as well. So, this is an exercise in patience and endurance like no other I have encountered before.

We, the ones who have decided to live chemical free, get together under the banner of making a statement against those doctors and pharmaceutical companies who did not tell us:

• You will gain weight with continued use of an antidepressant, and we mean serious weight. 50lbs for me.
• You will have diabetes as a result of the weight gain.
• Overtime the pill will not work as well. You will have anxiety and/or depression again so we will have to increase your dose time and time again.
• The medication increases serotonin, the “happy” neurotransmitter. Or so we think, we really don’t know how it works.
• The medication might actually deplete your serotonin in the long term or cause your body to have too much in which case you will become manic. By manic we mean a person with so much energy you will not sleep for days. You might feel rage, undue superiority… you name it.
• The drugs were not design for long-term usage but the withdrawal from them is so hellish no matter what you do, you will stay on the medication maybe for life.
• You might become very sleepy or over stimulated. We just don’t know how you will react.
• You will have no sexual desire at all no matter what. If you are a guy, forget about performing.
• If you cannot take the withdrawal, you can re-instate the medication, but it will take a long time to work again.

Well, my first 1 ½ yrs on Paxil were really good. I still thank God I was able to resolve many of my personal problems even when I had been hit with one of the most painful chronic conditions known to man: Generalized Anxiety Disorder. But I still wonder if knowing, feeling, experiencing what is going on now would have changed my decision? I really don’t know. I remember being very sick, very desperate. I remember my mother telling me antidepressants were not a good idea… I remember.

To all of you on the hands of withdrawal, my best wishes for recovery and a life chemical free. To all of those considering going on antidepressants, please look for alternative therapies first.